SLOUGH, ENGLAND:
There are shows that hook you from the opening thirty seconds, and others that are so repellent from the outset that you need to take refuge in a dark sensory room. Netflix whodunnit The Residence, for example, slots into the former division, and anyone who spent a childhood studying the ripped pages of Archie comics would be the first to tell you that Riverdale takes the crowning glory in the latter. Disney+ thriller The Stolen Girl, however, occupies neither bracket.
Instead, this thriller packed with nonsensical there-for-the-hell-of-it twists (picture a screw made out of playdough molded by a three-year-old) falls into that other overlooked but nevertheless appreciated TV category: background noise. If you are on the hunt for something you can nap along to on the sofa but lack the energy to go upstairs to bed like a sensible person, congratulations. The Stolen Girl is the answer to a tired insomniac’s prayers.
Been there, done that
Containing slightly less charm than radio static, this utterly forgettable thriller, adapted from the novel Playdate by Alex Dahl, is billed as every parent’s worst nightmare. Spanning five episodes, The Stolen Girl circles around a girl who is, well, stolen. Denise Gough (Anora) stars as Elisa, our designated irresponsible mother, although she won’t like you calling her that.
Elisa is careless enough to allow her nine-year-old daughter, Lucia, to attend a sleepover after befriending a suspiciously friendly white-blonde woman calling herself Rebecca (Holliday Grainger from Strike). The charming Rebecca, too, has a daughter the same age as Lucia, and one thing leads to another, with Elisa agreeing to let her daughter spend the night at Rebecca’s – a move she will heartily regret for the remainder of the show.
For any mothers who are already wary of overly chatty women at the school gates, The Stolen Girl is an excellent example of why they are not to be trusted. Sadly for Elisa, Rebecca has an agenda of her own that, at this stage, she has declined to share with the audience. For now, all we know is that she has put a devious plan in motion to whisk Lucia far away from her family for reasons best known to herself. She offloads most of the heavy lifting to a dodgy builder-like man, who, fortunately for an otherwise uninspired police force, ends up being incompetent enough to be filmed at a key location on CCTV.
Whether Rebecca does this just for kicks or because she has taken a particular dislike to Elisa is something that will become clear later on, but do not worry if you give in to that insomnia and miss most of the explanation. Also, do not be alarmed, on waking, to learn that Rebecca is now called Nina, has transitioned to a brunette, and speaks fluent French. Yes, she is leading a double life.
